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[25 May 2007|04:12pm] |
For the next 24 months, I'll be serving a mission in Columbus, Ohio. I leave July 18th.
Wow.
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[09 Mar 2007|01:49am] |
Tonight was a good night and I kinda feel infinite. I don't know.
I'm foolish.
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[30 Jan 2007|10:59am] |
I've noticed something all of my teachers have in common: they are proficient at making bad answers not seem so bad. For instance, in class discussion, a student will blurt out an answer that at least half the class knows is incorrect, but the teacher somehow intertwines it with the correct answer, thus, diminishing the confidence of the student as little as possible. It happened to me once and made me feel a bit incompetent, haha.
All of my teachers are obsessed with attendance. And contrary to prior empty threats, they mean what they say, three absences and you're gone. It's really lame considering I'm missing two to go for training in Tucson. On top of that, I'm missing a couple today because of a doctor's appointment. So, I'm potentially out of luck; we'll see. Things are going pretty well. I'm constantly reminded of how fortunate I am. Thankfully, this doesn't leave time for me to feel sorry for myself. I definitely don't want to grow accustomed to piteous thoughts. There's no need for that, especially considering how literally and comparatively blessed that I am.
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[18 Jan 2007|10:03pm] |
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I have big news. This past Saturday I paid a visit to the emergency room due to various symptoms. I had diagnosed myself a week prior with diabetes, and this suspicion was confirmed. Apparently, diabetes runs in my family. My day now includes five separate injections of insulin and a whole lot of finger pricking. I had a hard time accepting it for a few hours or so, but I've been doing good ever since. My life will never be the same and that's an erie thought.
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[11 Dec 2006|07:00pm] |
I just wrote my grandmother an email. I haven't seen her in two years. It's safe to say I miss her very much. I'm about to go in and take my English final which is likened unto a walk in the park on an idle tuesday. It will be a joyous occasion. I'm just about finished with school. I think I got A's although I may have only earned a B in photo. Maybe "earned" isn't the right word, more like received. I feel I earned an A. I worked pretty hard in that class. I should get an A for effort. He told me I need to keep going in photography because "I have a good eye". I enjoyed that compliment and I'm debating on whether or not I should act accordingly. It would be an extra credit considering next semester's schedule is already set in stone.
I wish I knew what I wanted to do with my life. I know I can do just about anything I set my mind to, provided I want it enough. My feelings regarding the future are far too erratic. I am a fickle, fickle man/boy/child (I don't know).
Strange, I just noticed a guy I know sitting across from me. We've both been sitting here for about 30 minutes and neither of us noticed one another. Makes you think how often that happens- how often you are within a couple of feet, a couple of walls, a couple of turns of someone you know. I wonder how those missed encounters would effect my life or if they would at all. It's like wondering how many stars are in the sky: intriguing and pointless.
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[13 Nov 2006|11:20pm] |
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Everything is pretty good. I'm happiest when my priorities are in order. It's when I let the little things that don't(won't) matter get in the way that I become less than fantastic. Among these trivial things are women, friends, and the lack or absence thereof. They're nice to have but, at the moment, they are in no way a necessity. Sure, it gets a little sad when I sit at home nearly every weekend. But, I find enjoyment in the finer things. Things that often go unnoticed. Like the way a guitar may be personified. It weeps, it yells, it screams. And the way I can access its many moods in my room. It may sound strange but my family is and always has been my best friends. They will always pick me up no matter how hard I push them away - and that's love. I'm very blessed.
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[06 Sep 2006|10:31pm] |
I don't want to feel what I feel. It's too hard to feel what I feel. Blah.
I really liked my fortune cookies tonight.
1. Someone is speaking well of you.
2. When winter comes heaven will rain success on you.
3. Don't allow yourself to dream away time- be productive.
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[03 Sep 2006|06:52pm] |
I just deleted my myspace.
It's liberating.
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[29 Mar 2006|10:04pm] |
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I've been listening to a little John Denver, lately. I know, weird. His lyrics are rather powerful, though. There are three things I really want to accomplish in life, artistically... that is. I want to develop into an effective writer and publish something- anything. I know I have a long ways to go. I'm willing to do what it takes. Secondly, I want to become a better photographer. Well, first a photographer will suffice. THen, I'll worry about becoming better. Lastly, I want to be a musician. I write songs all the time on the guitar and piano and such. But, I want to write something profound. Not just music but words. I would really love to learn how to sing. And I would adore if I had the ability to play and sing simultaneously. Which I've found to be incredibly difficult. My brain can't handle doing two things at once, ha. Spring break was a wonderful experience. I am officially an uncle. I had the privilege of seeing him the day he was born. Aiden is beautiful. I was able to go snowboarding as well. I love the snow; I love snowboarding. Tonight, I was skateboarding and I had this terrible feeling come over me. It screamed go inside, NOW. It was very strange and it may have simply been paranoia. Regardless, it was enough to make me call it a night. I'm sure it was all in my head. It's hard to decipher the false alarms from the divine notions. I've heard several accounts of divine notions. My mother, for example, literally saved someones life just by sticking up for her. She saw the woman years later as an adult and she thanked her. I'm paraphrasing but, she said," the day you stood up for me defined and secured my life." We never know how impactful our words are. High School makes me sick, sometimes. It's a shame to see those who need the most comfort and kindness to be shut out because of others shallowness. So many are in need of a reality check. You are not better than the rest of the world. You have no right to treat people that way. Open your eyes. Be enlightened and find depth. I know you have it somewhere beneath that pathetic, hardened shell.
Wow, that was bitter. I am no saint. I need to better myself. And when I'm perfect, I'll get back to this complaining.
I asked Dionne to prom tonight. I did it over texts which is really lame. But, it's only for the time being. I just wanted to "reserve" her. That way I have time to construct a genuis plan without having to worry about her being taken.
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[14 Feb 2006|09:11pm] |
I'm so thankful for the individuals in my life that truly care. They're so uplifting.
Happy Valentine's Day!
My being is full.
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[04 Feb 2006|04:47pm] |
I just finished reading all the entries I've missed these past few days by my beautiful friends. I enjoyed reading them. I don't have much to write about. I just arrived home from an overnight trip in Payson with my church. It was a good time. It was very spiritual. I was riding home with my mom and she made me realize some things. She kept saying how much I've matured this past year and, well, it opened my eyes. A year ago I was shallow, more dependent, more judgmental, less friendly. I'm glad that I've finally done away with that "I'm better than everyone else" mentality that my middle school friends worked so hard to instill. I feel that I'm more open to people and more willing to accept them, to love them. I've made it a goal of mine to be more loving. Not in a passionate, "kiss me, hold me" nature. Just being kind, compassionate, and above all understanding. It's amazing how many things in our life are result of a chain reaction. This girl I've been dating has helped me. I'm sure she has no idea. She has been sunshine. She has showed me the importance of loving one another. She's cleared my mind of prejudices I never knew I had.
The other night, I had the strangest dream. I was playing basketball with a multitude of celebrities. It took place in a world that my waking mind is unaware of. One event I remember, because of its absolute peculiarity, is Elton John's role. He was on the opposing team and continually stole the ball from my possession. Each time this occurred, he taunted, "Live your life to the fullest." My interpretation has to do with Elton's profession as a pianist. The day of the dream, I had a piano lesson in which I learned essential theory. Theory that takes effort to memorize. The only conclusion I can draw from this is I need to study. I need to apply myself and work harder. There were many other strange occurrences and symbols in this dream. However, the memory of these instances wore off shortly after my rise from slumber. I've been paying a lot more attention to my dreams since I started The Interpretation of Dreams.
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[13 Dec 2005|08:58pm] |
Today was quite the uplifting day. I have never had so much with kids from my high school. It was different. It was so nice to get a day off from culinary and government. Those classes have been dragging terrifically. To explain, today my photo class took a trip the Scottsdale Museum of Contemporary Art... something like that. It was pretty cool. The curator made me think into photographs a lot more. Some of his ideas, hand gestures, impressions, and facial expressions were quite absurd, but he was entertaining nonetheless. Some of those photographs blew my mind. Some of them were just plain lame. Anyways, the best part of the trip was lunch... in other words, walking around aimlessly within a mile proximity. Scottsdale has some cool downtown areas. I plan to return. Anyways, tonight I had a basketball game. It was intense. My lip got cut up, but we won. So, I am happy about that-very happy.
PS: The love saga continues and I couldn't be happier.
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[04 Dec 2005|09:09pm] |
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The blinds repressed the light seeping in from the solitary window. I sat hunched at the bed side and revealed the morning. And I watched-I watched the sun rise. In the background, “X&Y” played, enhancing the beauty of the moment. I sat, I pondered, and I struggled to keep my eyelids peeled. All I wanted to do was dream. Sleep had always seemed to induce this action with greater ease. But, lately life had seemed to suffice in bringing about the feelings dreams produce; this dream I didn’t want to forget. I listened, “For you I’d wait, ‘til Kingdom Come. Until my days-my days are done”. My senses had been stirred. This second marked a moment of optimum sentience-absolute aliveness. Never have I felt so infinite, never have I anticipated each breath with such eagerness. For that, I thanked God and you. You showed me how to appreciate sun rises and God-God gave me the sun. There was a rustling of the sheets and this great aura of light opened her eyes. “Good Morning, Sunshine”, I replied. And her smile nearly blinded me.
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[11 Nov 2005|01:22pm] |
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Dredg |
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It's a lot easier to be happy about life when one feels loved.
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[31 Oct 2005|08:22pm] |
It's amazing what a little persistent whining from a sibling will accomplish. My plans were to sit at home, pass out candy, maybe play some piano, all for the ultimate purpose of having a pity party. Instead, I fabricated and brought to life the brilliant idea of one of my classmates: A human trick or treat bag. Contrary to popular belief, it is NOT a diaper. Anyways, I got several blank stares. Several drawn out fits of laughter. Multiple pokes at the pouch protruding from below my groin. It was rather amazing. I love Halloween. I wish everyday was special like this. That is, of course, without the diluting effect of repetitiveness.
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[16 Oct 2005|04:10pm] |
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Goodbye tomorrowwwwwww |
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So, last night.
I went to Barnes and Noble, by myself, and read Shakespeare.
That man was amazing.
In case you didn't know, there's a reason we all know his name.
Timeless, he is.
It may seem as if a Saturday night like this would depress me...having nothing to do.
However, I actually enjoyed a quiet night at a bookstore.
I'm a nerd.
In other news, I can't make up my mind. I don't know if I want to go to homecoming.
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[09 Oct 2005|09:07pm] |
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FLAKE |
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So, I feel dumb. That's what happens when you go out of your way to do something nice, and recieve rejection. It hurt. I'm a wuss. I cried, but no one involved will ever know that. I haven't cried for a long time. The last time I cried because of pain was... when I broke my arm in 7th grade. Since then, it's all been emotional. I guess it shouldn't matter. I shouldn't do nice things for the purpose of wanting recognition. It would be nice, though. Atleast, act like you appreciate it, even if you don't like it. Wow, that was frustrating. I try to cheer someone up, because they are down. Instead, I get brought down. Gay.
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